Week 14 (the dirty truth isn’t for everyone…proceed with caution)

You sometimes get those people in your life that like to ruin your happy moments with “just wait” comments. You know those people.
The moment you say “I am going to have a clean home” and they butt in saying “ha…JUST WAIT…you’re still young but you’ll learn to just leave the mess and not give a shit what people say” or “I want to make fresh dinners for my husband” and they say “JUST WAIT…you’ll learn not to do that anymore“.
Oh my gosh. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Stupid “just wait” people. Just because THEIR life experiences went a certain way doesn’t mean that I’m destined for the same outcome. I make my own future & there ARE things in my life that I can control, so when they say “just wait”, I want, that much harder, to prove them wrong!

Then there’s those people in your life that like to sugar coat everything so that you have NO IDEA what to actually expect. These people are often our mothers or teachers because they feel the urge to protect us through life. They’ll tell you little truths like “birth is the most beautiful experience“. As this is a very true statement, they usually refer to that overwhelming loving feeling that they have….WHEN IT’S OVER! But labor & delivery is in fact not a beautiful moment. It’s a very long day filled with pains and screaming and excreting bodily fluids without your control. I get the saying that “it’s all worth it” of course, but lets not hold back the truths from people about the reality of it all. I was in my 20s probably before I knew that you had to go through a slight delivery AFTER delivery. Oh yeah…pushing out the placenta. So after your lady parts have been slaughtered, man-handled, stretched, cut, & bruised, you’re not done. Nope. Time to yank you around some more to get the rest out of there & then patch you up like a spare tire before you bleed out. Let me just say…though I have yet to be the one in the labor room, I know the drill & I’ve been there for others. They weren’t drawing rainbows & singing campfire tunes. I want to be prepared for what’s ahead, so might as well just get it all out there!

So here’s the dish, y’all….I’m not going to say “just wait” until you’re pregnant, but I am going to tell you some things that I wish people had told me about pregnancy so I knew a little more about what was going on with my body before being in the moment. I’ve done a lot of reading up on every change that my body has gone through to make sure that it’s normal & I’m not just a lunatic! From day 1 that I knew I was preggo, I have been checking the world wide web for others like me; others going through something similar to reassure me, give me advice, or give me a solution; whatever the case may be. I had NO idea there was so much involved & so many changes!
Everyone knows that common symptoms:
-nausea “the morning sickness thing”
-heightened sense of smell
-weird eating habits
-PMS symptoms on steroids like tender breasts & mood swings

But nobody knows the ‘other’ stuff. I guess I could understand how our mothers or aunts or big sisters would refrain from sharing the details because they’re kind of embarrassing, but I’m going to be your big sister right now. I’m going to sit you down and let you know some of the dirty truth. If you don’t experience these things, that’s totally fine…but I’m finding it to be a pretty common denominator amongst pregnant woman at my point in this journey.


#1. You’re going to be a crazy person. It’s going to be completely against your control and as badly as you want to convince yourself that you’re going to be able to hold yourself together for everyone, grin & bear it, you’re going to be a freaking emotional rollercoaster. You’re going to be ultra sensitive & irritable. One minute, you’re crying over a car commercial & then the next minute you’re writing hate letters in your journal about every you know that got on your nerves today because your irritability is holding your happiness hostage.
#2. Your husband doesn’t want to be around you anymore. They love you & they are so super supportive of the things that are going in your life right now, but everyone has a breaking point. As much as he wants you to know that he’s there for you, he is really trying to get away from the house these days to regain his sanity. He knows you almost better than anyone on earth & he can smell your crazy from the moment you wake up in the morning. As hard as he tries to help, there are just going to be some things that are un-fixable by anyone other than God and that is going to be hard for him. Men aren’t bodily forces of empathy anyway, so add symptoms that even YOU are overwhelmed by and he’s going to be signing up for ‘husband’s-of-pregnant-women-anonymous’.
#3. You’re not-pregnant friends are bored by you. This one makes me wonder if I was unknowingly this way with other people, but your friends who have never had kids or have never been pregnant get really bored with your stories. I’ll be talking about my pregnancy experience or my doctor’s appointments and you can just read their faces like ‘that’s…neat’ which is more like ‘mmkay, just shut up about this boring baby stuff so I can tell you about MY weekend’. I’ve learned to not bring it up to them unless they ask about it. You’ll understand what I mean when you do this, because 9 times out of 10, they won’t bring it up.
#4. You still have a life, though you’re treated like a leper. It’s almost this unspoken code that, once you become pregnant, you might as well live in a bubble or go into hibernation, because you’re suddenly not allowed to do anything! No lifting, no hot tubs, no caffeinated beverages, no alcohol (well duh), no going out, no jumping on trampolines, no ice skating, no 4-wheelers, no motorcycles or dirt bikes, no sugar substitutes, no no no no no. You’re going to quickly go crazy. Though a lot (actually most) of them are good ideas while pregnant, you still have a life. You can go to that corner bar with your husband (preferably a smoke-free one), drink a lemon water, & play some billiards. Go on date nights still, go see your friends. Get out of the freaking house!! You’ll be there plenty after the baby is born, so let your husband know that you’re still the same person; just making better & healthier choices for your body (and little baby).
#5. Vaginal dryness. Okay…so this is a touchy topic. I’m completely open, so it doesn’t bother me to talk about it, but other people get a little weirded out by their bodies or “private-parts” symptoms. It is what it is, though, and you’re going to be googling it in a dark room if you don’t read about it here, so might as well accept it. Sex is going to suck and you don’t know why. You’re producing more than enough slime & wetness in your mouth (gag-alert), so why is it that your lady parts are drying up like the Sahara Desert? Spit does nothing. Lubricants help, but there’s already been so much damage done in there that it’s going to be uncomfortable and before you know it, your lube is empty. I recommend a good vag-cream. Yep. Hydrocortisone creams are a little gift from the angels. I used them before for cracks & sores on the outside, but you can get the kits that come with plastic syringes so that the cream can be applied to the lining. If you put it in at night, it will have lots of time to work. If you put it in first thing in the morning, you’ll find it dripping out throughout the day while you’re getting up & moving around  which is uncomfortable. If you have to during the day, though, wear panties (for those of us who don’t usually wear them) and maybe even a panty-liner. Eventually you’ll be feeling normal enough for some whoopee!
#6. You’re a giant gas machine. You already know this one if you’ve been reading my blog, but while we’re here, lets just touch base again. I have never in my life thought that my little body could produce the amount of gas that has occurred. My husband gets so uncomfortable with the fact that I share these details (sorry honey). I’m usually very lady-like in this department. The whole “girls don’t fart or poop” thing that men like to tell themselves was fine with me. I was able to keep everything discreet from my husband to spare him the reality. Honestly, I still am pretty discreet, but have to confess things to him sometimes just so he can understand my discomfort. Being gassy is more than just never-ending urges to release the gas, but the pain that comes with it in your stomach if you’re in a circumstance where you simply cannot let one out (i.e. dinner, among company, in a crowded room, etc.). Yeah…awesome.

The list could seriously go on. Alright, but seriously…being pregnant is awesome. I know it sounds totally miserable based on all the things that I’ve just said, but it’s not. Truthfully! I list those things just so you know…there’s this stuff going on but it’s totally normal. It’s different, it’s uncomfortable, and sometimes kind of shitty, but all-in-all, being pregnant is still super awesome. It’s like going mudding…you’re going to get dirty, you’re going to get stuck, and might lose a tire or two, but it’s going to be a freaking blast! Ha.

If you have questions (even if they’re gross), you can totally ask me. Maybe I haven’t experienced it yet. I have a ways to go, but I’ll help anywhere that I can.

Hope you’re not totally ruined for life right now and, as always, thanks for reading!



Filed under Week 14

2 responses to “Week 14 (the dirty truth isn’t for everyone…proceed with caution)

  1. A-FREAKING-MEN!!! I wish someone would have said these things to me the first time around!!! Don’t worry Cami, I got you!!! You can call me &&& talk about your pregnancy ANYTIME!!! Seroiulsy!!! I will even answer embarrassing questions &&& give you straight answers!!! Love you girl!!! Can’t wait for this to get going!!!

    • Ha. Thanks. I’m just glad that these things are normal; even though they’re not normal to everyday life before pregnancy. I’m lucky to have such a great man who is patient & understanding, though, because my emotional roller coaster gives him a run for his money sometimes.

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